8 weeks ago I found out **SURPRISE** that I was carrying another baby...only to have the pregnancy fail just days later. While I really am okay with it (like I said, it took us by surprise and not quite ready for it) my hormones are otherwise. It was at about 8 weeks postpartum with my last two babies that my emotions tanked. Stupid, dang emotions. So...I believe I might be experiencing that again. Yeay for me! Luckily, I'm in a much better place of awareness and stability than I was back then. I'm hopeful it wont last for long.
This morning I was listening to one of my favorite music artist, Hilary Weeks, and heard this song entitled, If I Only Had Today. As usual my thought's split in two directions...first to my family (my husband and boys) and then to her and hers.
I found Melissa's blog while browsing a blog networking sight one night. It happened to be the day she and her husband took down the crib of their newly deceased 6 month old triplet Owen. I was instantly drawn to her story and spent hours going back and reading up on their lives. Things have not changed for me. I still feel drawn to her, Owen, her husband and her three other boys. I feel like I have known them forever. My heart breaks for them, my heart mourns with them. It's strange. Of all the blogs...stories...tragedies...I have come across, I have never been so drawn in...I yearn to comfort them.
It was through her blog that I found this blog yesterday as well. Another infant death. Another mourning mama. My heart breaks all over again...I can't imagine what they are going through.
Now, while I have not lost a child after birth, I now have experienced 3 known miscarriages.
"It's just a fact of life," one OB told me.
True...I believe that is true.
But it is more than that...it's a matter for the eternities.
As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe that through the modern day prophet, Joseph Smith, Jesus Christ's church, His priesthood and His authority has been restored to the earth.
Along with His proper authority, through His priesthood, was restored the ability for families to be sealed (bound) together not only until death doth part them, but for ETERNITY. Through that authority Rob and I have been sealed in one of God's Holy Temples (Manti, UT) and believe, with out whole hearts, that these children we have lost will be ours again some day.
The prophet Joseph Smith taught...through revelation from the Lord Jesus Christ...as spoken here by his nephew Joseph F. Smith:
"Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and, pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: 'You will have the joy, the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.'
There is restitution, there is growth, there is development, after the resurrection from death. I love this truth. It speaks volumes of happiness, of joy and gratitude to my soul. Thank the Lord he has revealed these principles to us." (found here)
Rob and I know we will have an opportunity to raise these spirits that have gone on, before we even had the chance to know them (which is somewhat releaving ...I can't imagine having 7 kids right now...sheesh). It doesn't make the sadness go away but it makes it a lot easier to bare.
Joseph Smith, a man who lost six children of his own, also taught:
“I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why it is that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us. … The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again.” (quote found here).
It is because of my firm testimony in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ I can mourn with understanding. I would be so lost not knowing these truths.
So for now...I can say goodbye to that spirit, who I didn't even get to feel move inside me, and look forward to the day that I will raise HER (you see that...HER...oh please let it be a her :)...) some day. :)
Melissa, or anyone else out there who may have lost a child and is reading this, just know that I KNOW these things are true. I KNOW you can see your sweet baby boy (Owen), or girl, again and that your family can be together...bound...sealed...for eternity. I have prayed to my Heavenly Father and asked for confirmation of this truth and he has answered my prayers...many times over.
So...while my emotions may be all out of wack...I still have peace that things are going to be okay...and for that, I am SO grateful.
P.S. Leave a comment! I love to hear from you!