Private Journal Entry - March 19, 2009

This "private journal entry" was originally written for my eyes only.  A way to express myself openly and truthfully without feeling judged.  The emotions are raw, the writing, blunt and unedited, the feelings are sometimes very hard to revisit (at least the negative ones), but so very very real.

It is now published as part of my mental health timeline.  To start from the beginning, visit: Through Hell and Back (more than once)-Timeline of Recovery and Discovery.  

March 19, 2009

Times are tough and I have been sinking lately.  Rob is still out of work and sometimes it becomes discouraging.  

I’ve started this little journal  so that I might have a place to log my feelings; things that I would never dare blog about.

I find myself really angry right now.  I think its postpartum depression.  Isaac is 19 months old and it still hasn’t gone away.  I always feel somewhat upset…like a dark cloud is hanging over me…

…maybe a little therapy and some medication is all I need.  

I just want to feel happy again.

…I’ve been “yell at/spank children free" for 3 days now.  Go ME!

I just want to be happy.  

I want to be happy with my husband and children and ENJOY them.  

They all deserve love and that’s all they are asking of me.